yummy! (: i just shared 3 boxes of durian with my dad. ahhh.. durian, been a long time since i had you. okay, but that's not what i'm here to post abt. i've been wanting to post since Sunday but haven't got the time till now.

wow. imagine. i'm all of 17 now. seventeen.
my birthday, which just past, was a sweet one. (: no sabos! haha. yay! anyway, i don't really participate in otrs sabos so..

this birthday that just past was a different one. differently in,

firstly, it was celebrated over 4 days!? hahah. the longest ever.
thurs night, my family together with my grandma had chilli and pepper crab at my house. we celebrated in advance cos my mum would be flying on Sat and hence, would not be ard for my bdae. i killed two crabs! my grandma helped me to hold them down though. it was chilly, i didn't quite like killing those poor crabs.
fri morn at Bible Sch coffee talk, had 3 cakes. haha. all thanks to..Ray! (: but i appreciate it.
sat at Vibe, Yvonne and some runners went to island creamy to get a tub of reverso with relightable candles to celebrate Guo Pei and my bdae. we had a fun time blowing out the candles.
sun, went out in the aftrn with my da ges and da jies to eat chicken rice at chinatown. ministry to one of Ian's armymates. then we had desert somewhere in the same vicinity.
had my favourite cake at ccwo when Dawn and Ray bought my favourite cheesecake from Pine's Bakery. haha. (: and at my voiddeck had yet another two slices of cake from Jia Hao. so - a grand total of 6 cakes this bdae!

it sure was a really sweet bdae.

secondly, i had a different mindset approaching my bdae. in the past, what happened on my bdae meant alot to me. not saying that it doesn't now, but in a different sense. after e exchange life course, i saw that i needn't seek my identity in anything apart from Christ, since I am already accepted in Him! (: last time, i saw my 'self-worth' in a sense, from how many people wished me happy birthday, how many smses, how many cards, how many presents. but this birthday, my self worth was not found in the wishes, or presents or cards. i know i am accepted in Christ. those wishes and presents were only affirmations that i had brothers and sisters in Christ who loved me, friends who remembered. talking about identity and self-worth, i also used to find that alot in running. I remember how i used to beat myself up over doing really badly for a race. it was as though how i performed in my races determined who i was. it is no more the case now, i would gladly say. I know i am accepted in Christ, and that is enough.
i'm not down playing presents or birthday wishes -
in fact, i'd like to thank all for making my birthday so so special.
thanks for the smses.
thanks for the facebook wishes.
thanks for the hugs.
thanks for the handshakes.
thanks for the green mushroom and dolphin bookmark.
thanks for the yummy chewy junior cream puffs.
thanks for the brown shawl and the cool card that emits music.
thanks for the rose and the card.
thanks for the cookies, the card, the ice cream, the friends, the vibe.
thanks for the sweet dress.
thanks for the watch that i would have never ever dreamed of owning. (:
thanks for the thought, the my melody, the lunch.
thanks for the gebera, the amt of work for the photo frame, the kitkat.
thanks for the book.
thanks for the lovely Christian coasters.
thanks for the shirt.
thanks. :D
really, thanks. You've showered me with love. God's love.

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oh, one thing that i was really disappointed with was that i spend the day with many people, but did not spend it with my Lord. I woke up just in time to prepare to go to church. then rush, rush, rush, and i did not make the effort to set aside time for my Best Friend. i get really angry and upset with myself when i wake up late, or later than planned. cos then i feel as though i go though the day unprepared, unarmed, without meeting my Heavenly Father first. It's like i left Him waiting while i laid in bed fast asleep. aiyah, mel. cannot liketat. cannot liketat.

even this past two days, i overslept. late for prayer. argghh. i feel so..arggh with myself. its like the whole rythm of my day is spoilt. cos now in Bible sch and having to do homeschooling, its like, if i dun spend time alone with God before i leave the house, when can i? prayer, coffee talk, bs lesson, lunch, homeshooling, dinner... the whole day is packed.

but being late these past few days, i've also learnt some lessons.
who am I living for? I find myself thinking thoughts like "what will so and so think of me being late". i think of my reputation before men. what will he think? but i realise that i should be living for the audience of One - God. being late, what would God think? looks like i haven't had my roof off and walls down, if not i wouldn't be caring so much about what others think about me.

Lord, help me to live for You, and to only be concerned about what You would think of me.

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recently, i've been having quite abit of questions when reading the Bible. and there's this struggle whether i should ask adults ard me (Ian, a.Lisa...others) the questions, but yet, i want to find the answers from the Bible. i think i should search out the Scriptures and let the Holy Spirit be my teacher, but of course, there is the tempatation to take the easier path in asking those around me. questions like what does cornerstone mean? and what does it mean to be perfect in 2 Chron 16:9? is this the same perfect as Matt 5 :48 - be ye perfect even as your Father...is perfect. how do i compare root words from the O.T and N.T when one is in Hebrew and the other Greek? deeper questions like from the passage 2 Peter 1:3-11 - how do i find the balance between depending upon God and "besides this, adding to my faith all those virtues"? and lots more questions. i've written em down, but i think i needa purpose to find time to answer em. :D

okaay, i can't really believe i'll be flying this fri night alrdy. so fast!
i believe that God is teaching me things even through this trip. most of all is that i am not indispensable, and that it is not that God needs me, but that it is a privilege to be able to serve the King of kings. i wouldn't be ard for 2 weekends, and im tempted to think who will take care of the younger gals? who will look out for them? then God reminds me that i am not indispensable and that the gals are HIS and He will see to it that they are taken care of, not to worry. then i think of all the things i'll be missin out on. the welcome thing at ian's place and the meeting on the Cambodia trip and God reminds me that don't think the whole world revolves around you!

Life still goes on even if u're around or not. I think this time of going away will be a good one. one to refresh, recharge, prepare my heart for church camp, prioritise things in my life. figure out why i do what i do, not just to go through the motion week after week.
why do i attend Fri evening prayer? for others to see? or to talk to God?
why attend Uth Worship? cos its a habit already? or to meet with God?
why go to Sat morn prayer? so that i can have lunch with the rest after prayer? or to interceed for the ministry?
why go to church on Sunday? cos my family goes so i go? cos I love God and want to meet with Him?
why serve in Children's Ministry? cos all the youths are serving there? or cos i believe that children are full of potential and have the capacity to make decisions for God?

Lord, please save me from going though the motion. it is so easy to do so. may everything i do be done out of an overflow of love for You. i love You, i really do.

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this has been a ultra long post, thanks for bearing with me. last thing.
i just want to thank God for how in the past few days, He has drawn me and my sister, Christine, closer together. my bro, Caleb, and I are close cos we played alot growing up and our age gap is just 3 years. me and my sis are on good terms, but our age gap is 7 years and so not as close. but recently, our hearts have been knitted together. Thank God for her smsing me really sweet messages that never fail to warm my heart, telling me about how she's thinking of me even as she is on a bus. or even while having lunch at a Jap restraunt, msging me to arrange for lunch together. (: on mon, we went to the Jap restraunt together for lunch and it was on her. :D hehe. oh course, she's getting a pay check. ahah. so. yep. but it's great to be close to my da jie.

thank You, God. (: